Top 10 Reasons Andy Murray Would Retire from a Match

January 11, 2019 update:

Andy Murray recently announced that he will likely be retiring from the sport of tennis sooner rather than later, due to a relenting amount of pain from hip surgery that impacts even daily tasks. Despite this distressing news from one of the Big Four of this era, we know everyone’s favorite Scot still retains his stellar sense of humor, so we thought it would be fun to revisit some of our vintage Andy posts in honor of his legacy.

As it turns out, other than the HUGE change in his Slam-count status, and perhaps a few “too soon!” type feelings about the Top 10 moments that make note of his injuries, we think this list still has some pretty darn accurate entries. This includes number 1, because as y’all know, Mr. Expressive has moved on to up-and-comer Sascha Zverev and continues to look as unimpressed as ever.

So, we’ll just leave you with this cozy social media moment between two consenting adults and a voyeur in the next pool, and you can then keep scrolling down for the original Top 10 list for Andy!

Original 2012 post:

Andy Murray is a talented tennis player with a pretty impressive resume, but the conversations about his career usually revolve around his Slam-less state. It’s not easy being the perennial also-ran to Rafael Nadal, Novak Djokovic, and even that pesky old man Roger Federer, who refuses to give up that damn number three spot–unless it’s to go higher.

Murray is also well known for his kvetching on court, for admonishing himself after every point–even if he’s won it. His legs get tired. He starts grabbing body parts that ache. His chin drops to his chest in a cartoonishly exaggerated look of defeat. We expect him to just throw in the towel and walk off the court during nearly every match, so despite the fact that he’s won an awful lot, it’s easy to believe:

The Top 10 Reasons Andy Murray Would Retire From a Match:

10. My mum grounded me. (I’m suspicious, though. Feli Lopez’ match was scheduled at the same time as mine.)

9. I ran out of SPF 1000 sunblock.

8. I burst a blood vessel in my neck from all the bitching venting between points.

7. The “oh my aching back” schtick isn’t fooling anyone anymore.

6. I can cry like Roger but I still can’t win like Roger.

5. I hurt my bum again while “sleeping”.

4. Face it, I’m not British, I’m a Scot.

3. The new Call of Duty game came out last night.

2. It’s a Slam and I’m not going to win anyways.

And the number one reason Andy Murray would retire from a match?

1. Lendl took my spot in the draw because he believes he has a better chance of winning.

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Click the names to check out more “Ten Reasons…” posts for Roger Federer, Rafael Nadal, and Novak Djokovic.

PHOTOS: Screencaps, Andy Murray Wimbledon 2010, US Open semi 2011. Fair use.

(Post edited: 01/12/2019)