Roland Garros Considers 8 New Surfaces

Rafael Rafa Nadal trophy taped fingers hug Roland Garros French Open 2012“That’s right–it’s mine bitches, all mine.”

Roland Garros, 2012: Two weeks of slogging, rain-soaked, often ugly tennis that made the normally laser-precise Roger Federer look like he was hitting through molasses. Balls so heavy that even the mighty David Ferrer, slamming his entire body weight into a shot with a deafening grunt of effort, only caused the ball to land mid-court. Courts so glacial that the King of Slo-Mo Clay actually acknowledged, after fighting off a comeback from Djokovic in the final, that he needed “faster courts” to beat his feisty competitor.

Considering the trends of the tour lately, we’re guessing that Roland Garros’ next step, after adding slower balls this year, is to make next year’s courts…even slower. Here are a few of the latest ideas to grind the game down even more:

1. A velvet ball on a Velcro court.

Rafa Nadal argues chair umpire Pascal Wimbledon match tennis balls white kit arms outstretched pictures images photos screencaps“What? The ball only bounce once. It counts.”

2. Peanut butter courts and a giant walnut ball.

David Ferrer intense contemplates pursed lips headband white pink pictures photos screencaps“Maybe if they let me trade my frying-pan-sized racquet for a giant butter knife…”
Novak Nole Djokovic racquet racket smash broken pictures photos images screencaps“On second thought, maybe the giant walnut isn’t going to work…”

3. Flypaper court with red 10-and-Under 10s balls.

Roger Federer angry look Fed Roland Garros French Open towel green headband eyes pictures photos images screencaps“You’re f—ing kidding me, right?”

4. Anti-gravity court.

Novak Djokovic racquet racket toss slam floating clay angry pictures photos screencaps“Um, guys…?”
Gael Monfils flying shot airborne pictures photos images screencapsMonfils: “I am so winning this Slam!

5. A quicksand court.

Novak Djokovic racquet smash racket toss red white blue kit screencaps pictures“Arrrrrghhhhhhhh!!!”
Rafael Rafa Nadal asking for ball back Cincinnati Open 2011 wave pictures images photos“Um…hola…new balls please.”

6. A metal court, with some magnets inserted into the tennis balls.

Novak Nole Djokovic roar screencaps Wimbledon images photos 2011AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

7. A giant beach ball in a court full of soap bubbles.

Rafael Nadal rain delay Roland Garros final 2012 with added bubbles screencaps images photos picturesO_o
Rafa unhappy Roland Garros French Open rain delay final 2012 with added bubbles pictures photos“I no like.”

8. A hot tar court with a ball of feathers.

Roger Federer shut up Roland Garros French Open DelPotro match scream pictures photos screencaps images“YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!!!”


PHOTOS: Photo of Rafa Nadal asking for new balls, Cincinnati Open, c2011 Valerie David. Screencaps of Roland Garros 2012 matches and other tennis tourneys, featuring Rafael Nadal, David Ferrer, Novak Djokovic, Roger Federer, and Gael Monfils; TennisTV, EuroSport, ESPN, Tennis Channel, NBC. Fair use.

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