The Night Session Webcast 27 — French Open Fatigue
The last time we webcasted, Borna Coric told us all it was “time to get dirty.” Little did he know that everyone would be completely covered in a cloud of clay by the end of the French Open, with an onslaught of buffeting winds that had more vicious spin than Rafa’s forehand. It was but one aspect that made this year’s clay major an utter mess.
Want to hear every juicy detail??? Tennis Inside Out’s Valerie David and Courtney Massey of Outside the Ball are here to bring you another blissfully raunchy and Not Safe For Work Night Session webcast, featuring Dominic Thiem as The Man Who Did No Wrong, Johanna Konta as the Voice of Kickass Reason, and Novak Djokovic and Serena Williams as Your Fave Conspiracy Theory Villains.
You can find the webcast embedded below, and just scroll down for the TIME STAMPS so you can get more details, know where to find your favorite parts, and easily find your way when you come back to pick up where you left off!
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TIME STAMPS
0:01 SASCHA CLUTCHING A BALLKID IN DESPAIR IS A FRENCH OPEN MOOD — Val and Courtney kick off the podcast immediately with our lament about the general suck of the French Open, with a little help from our favorite German Giraffe.
4:11 RAFA IS A PAGEANT QUEEN — It’s win number 1272 or something for Rafa, the gals dare to declare they are “over it” with the Big 3 Eternal Domination Tour, the wood nymph David Goffin and the Austrian strudel Dominic Thiem commiserate over being one-set wonders, and Val goes through the Rafa draw that Could Have Been but….wasn’t.
12:40 WAITING FOR GENIUS INSIGHTS THAT NEVER COME — We don’t mean to keep beating up on a certain someone but….those supposed golden nuggets of wisdom in the pressroom were total pyrite nonsense. Val and Courtney sifted and sifted but there’s no gold in dem dere hills!
20:22 THERE’S CLAY IN MY EYES — Rain delays, scheduling nightmares, and the clay dust version of a blizzard white out made the men’s semfinals an utter mess. Djokovic took on the Villain Role in the latest installment of SCHEDULING DRAMA, and your dedicated hosts gather all the facts and ask the important questions like: What exactly IS proper urinal etiquette for a journalist?
31:18 THAT ONE TIME ROGER FEDERER NEARLY DECAPITATED SOME A-HOLE AT ROLAND GARROS — No, not really, but it’s still pretty. damn. funny.
34:45 ROGER HAZ JOKES AND STAN HAZ HUGS — The Maestro really wants you to know how bad that wind was, while Stan wants everyone to know he’s just happy to be here, even if it’s in a quarterfinal against a Decapitating Swiss bastard in a cyclone.
42:27 IT’S ALL FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR, BUT NOT SO MUCH IN A STEFANOS MATCH — Your hosts cover the best men’s match of the tourney, a five-set face-off between the Swiss crumpet Stan Wawrinka and the little Greek baklava Stefanos Tsitsipas. There’s gamesmanship and death grip hugs and lots of cursing.
51:29 STEF JUST AIN’T THAT DEEP, PEOPLE — Once again, the #NextGen star has people talking with his borrowed quotes and ancient Greek bon mots and…polarizing thoughts. eye dart
1:01:36 THE WTA NEEDS A FIXER — Despite some top player injuries and early exits, the French Open was pretty exhilarating on the women’s side, but the usual scheduling affronts reached peaked levels this year. Martina Navratilova and Johanna Konta weigh in. Also, Courtney drills for oil.
1:14:30 DOM’S SASSY SHOULDER TURN IS EVERYTHING — Val does her best Austrian accent and Courtney her best Fresh Prince rap to help give you the full experience of the Dominic Thiem / Serena Williams WHO GETS THE BIG PRESSROOM???? drama that made it to mainstream TV in the US….unfortunately.
1:42:02 WHO LET THESE DOPES IN HERE? — The ladies cover more of the horrific questions about women’s tennis that happened at the French Open, featuring a stellar response from Sloane Stephens.
1:47:54 EVERYTHING ABOUT THE FRENCH OPEN WAS A MESS — Including the on-site draw board and the TV coverage designed to alienate every tennis fan in America.
*pause to rant about the tennis powers that be and the slow killing of the sport*
2:05:57 INSTAGOODNESS — Nole gets his arm commandeered, Wawaire hugs, Dom and Liam dress to impress, former romance guru Grigor and Porna Borna and I’m-So-Totally-Available Stan compete for this season’s BIGGEST THIRST TRAP award.
2:40:00 THAT ONE TIME THAT SASCHA WAS TOTALLY HOT — In a recurring segment, Val finds yet another time that Sascha and his tousled hair and sensual mouth hit just the right chords.
2:49:32 NICK KYRGIOS WAS RIGHT, Y’ALL!
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DISCLAIMER: No wildly flinching dudes on Court Philippe Chatrier were harmed during the making of this video. Val and Courtney are here for the comedy, folks, so no offense is intended to anyone! Except when we’re talking about corporate greed and dumb people and stuff…well, you’ll catch on. We love tennis and the talented, beautiful people who make it great, and that’s why we’re here!!!
