Interpreting the Federer / Raonic Trophy Ceremony in Brisbane

Roger Federer Milos Raonic trophy ceremony Australia

Trophy ceremonies can be a complicated business, especially for players who haven’t won a lot of titles. Every event is different, from quick interviews and holding the trophy aloft–to lengthy affairs with a parade of speakers and lots of standing in different places and posing with different people and objects and giant checks that make everyone look hella ridiculous.

The most recent final in Brisbane, a 250 event in Australia, was extra confusing because Roger Federer didn’t win it. His runner-up from last year, Milos Raonic, won it instead. This is the sort of thing that can make fans’ heads spin, so we decided to help translate this ultra-complex trophy ceremony for you all–the speeches, the rivalries, the little nuances in what people have to say.

Of course, this is just our interpretation*, and you are free to provide your own to counter it. But we hope you’ll enjoy our peek into the wild world of snoozeworthy monologues and awkward social interactions, starring Rog and Milos.

(*some actual quotes and some completely made-up shit)

We begin with a presentation to umpire Mohamed Lahyani, for being a very awesome umpire who shouts “CORRECTION IT WAS GOOD!!” at 2 billion decibels at least once per match, even at times when the ball was totally, totally out.

But you gotta admire a man of conviction, and Mo is a total charmer who also frequently acts as therapist for more volatile players–so you have to give this man a gift for doing his job so well on a pressure-filled finals day. Especially on a day when Roger Freakin’ Federer didn’t freakin’ win.

Mohamed Lahyani umpire watch trophy ceremony Brisbane 2016
“Oh look, another f—ing watch! I only have like 50 of these now. Thannnnnnnks…maybe I can sell this one on eBay…”


Brisbane final trophy ceremony Mo Lahyani accepting Rado watch gift photos pics images screencaps
“Hey, you like this watch? Want to buy it?”


Thumbs up from Mohamed Lahyani to photographers as he receives his Rado watch gift at Brisbane 2016 trophy ceremony
“Greaaat, greaaat! Meet me after the trophy ceremony, I’ll give you such a deal.”


Now it’s time to hear from the “Acting Premier of Queensland, Jackie Trad” because nothing instills confidence like someone “acting” in an official capacity.


Premier Jackie Trad speech trophy ceremony Brisbane final 2016
“First, let me begin with some hastily written up platitudes for surprise winner Milos Raonic…like, totally good job and stuff! You deserved it!”


Roger Federer and Milos Raonic during premier's speech Brisbane final


Jackie Trad speech Brisbane final
“To Roger, I know it didn’t turn out the way many in the crowd wanted, Roger…”


Premier Jackie Brisbane speech Roger Federer
I think I just said “Roger” twice in one sentence. I think I just said I wanted Roger. Oh crapz.


Roger Federer sexy stare dark eyes blue Nike shirt photos pics images
“It’s okay, Jackie, you’re doing fine. Just stare into my sexy bedroom eyes and everything will be okay.”


Heart Eyes Sailor Moon


Happy Jackie Trad Brisbane tennis speech pics photos images screencaps
“…You’ve been a fantastic ambassador for Brisbane International, Brisbane has fallen in love with you, and so have I, and I would love to run away with you as soon as this ridiculous ceremony is over!”


Swiss fans painted faces red white flag Brisbane final 2016
*Crowd ROARS its approval*


Premier speech 8 Brisbane 2016 delighted Rog
“Thank you, thank you so much. I know, I really am pretty awesome.”


Premier speech 9 Brisbane 2016 Jackie perplexed
He smiled at me and I’ve forgotten the rest of my speech. I just used the word “popular” 16 times, I can’t stop myself.


You-keep-using-that-word Princess Bride Inigo Montoya


Premier Jackie Trad speech Brisbane final
I’m done. Totally done.


Don’t feel bad, Ms. Trad. After all, we know what happened to the Tourism Minister after she took Roger, who was wearing a dreamy peach shirt and really snug-fitting leggings, on a scenic tour of Brisbane…



While the premier went off to try to reclaim her sanity and power of speech, the trophy ceremony moved on….to more speeches…and rambling…and FINALLY, the actual TROPHIES.

(CLICK HERE for PAGE 2 — SEE what champion…erm…runner-up Rog and champion Milos did NEXT!)

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