Andy Murray Has 50% Conversion Rate at Wimbledon

Jo Wilfried Tsonga curls up down balls nuts family jewels shot Andy Murray Wimbledon 2012
Tsonga demonstrates the universal pose for “I’ve been hit in the nuts!” A.K.A.: “FJGKGFSFER@#@#GGHHHNHHHHnngghhhhh!!!”

That’s right, Andy Murray finished with a record of 1 for 2 in head shots at Wimbledon, giving him a 50% conversion rate on tough tactics designed to take out his opponents on the tennis court. His first chance came in the semi-finals, against the unpredictable and challenging player Jo-Wilfried Tsonga. With Rafa Nadal out of his side of the draw, the World Number 4 was determined nothing was going to stop him from reaching the final, particularly not a Frenchman. (Quel horreur!)

So, with Tsonga serving out the third set at 5-3, 15-15, Murray took advantage of a short ball and what we will call Jo’s exposed position at the net. With a speed that can not be captured by feeble screencapping software, or unfortunately by Tsonga’s too-slow racquet, Murray drilled that ball right at Tsonga’s most sensitive areas.

Jo Wilfried Tsonga grabs himself nuts balls family jewels privates hit Andy Murray photos pictures images screencaps Wimbledon 2012
“Pas les gemmes de la famille!!!”

Jo gets oodles of credit here for not only enduring the excruciating pain of the shot, but dealing with the wonderfully embarrassing conundrum of trying to not grab yourself on international TV but desperately needing to. With his good nature, the Frenchman managed to make us sympathetic in our cruel bemusement, and he received a hearty round of applause when he managed to drag himself to his feet and resume the game–and take the set.

“I wanted to run to the other side of net and massacre him,” Tsonga joked later, and he also promised revenge. We’re thinking he’ll wait until there are plenty of cameras around when he decides to exectue his master plan, Operation Payback.

Tsonga reaction after family jewels shot nuts balls privates bollocks hit Andy Murray photos pictures images screencaps
A more painful version of Tsonga’s “Tsebowing”.
Murray cringes after hitting Tsonga Wimbledon photos pictures semi-final 2012
Still a dude: Even the perpetrator had to cringe…

Tsonga won the battle…painfully…but lost the war. So it was no surprise that Murray decided to try another kill shot against his Slam finals nemesis, Roger Federer. Once again at 15-15, this time at 4-all in the 1st, he made his move. Knowing that the 30-year-old’s creative brain makes up for any physical weaknesses these days, the Scot home-runned a shot at net straight for the Maestro’s carefully coiffed noggin.

Roger Federer dodges head shot ball Andy Murray final Wimbledon pictures photos screencaps video
That “Oh Schessie!!!!” moment when Guillotine by Tennis Ball appears imminent…

Luckily for Fed fans, the Swiss master has in his repertoire of skills an ability to employ Matrix-like moves to narrowly escape his enemies’ skilled marksmanship. He tucked that little left arm against his chest and rolled forward just enough to avoid getting his head rattled big time.

Roger Federer ducks head shot Andy Murray photos pictures screencaps Wimbledon final 2012
A tennis ball’s literal brush with Greatness…

While he didn’t succeed in rattling Rog’s brain pan, Murray rattled his serve, breaking the Slam champion to 5-4 before successfully serving out the set. Federer was possibly left lamenting the fact that he had often criticized Murray’s lack of aggressive play. Although, knowing Fed, he was probably impressed. The fact that he tried to bore a tunnel through my head with the tennis ball shows how much he cares about the game, he might have thought….

Andy Murray fist pump Wimbledon final 2012 photos pictures screencaps images
Murray celebrates his aggressive 1st set victory #fistpump
Andy Murray friends box family Lendl Judy Kim Sears cheering fist pump Wimbledon final Federer images photos pictures screencaps 2012
“Aim for the bollocks next time!!!” they seemed to say…

As you all know by now, Murray fired the first shot across the bow of Federer’s attacking ship, but the Maestro answered with all guns blazing. We must give credit to this new, aggressive side of Murray, however, and we’re guessing players might start thinking about protective head gear (of both kinds) for future matches against him.

We’re sure there are many unseemly jokes that can be made about Andy’s 50% conversion rate, like that he aimed for the bigger target in both instances, but we won’t stoop to such levels. Instead we will just share a moment from after the trophy ceremony, when all the humans had left, but the excitement was still there…

Wimbledon 2012 tennis balls Slazenger pictures photos images
TENNIS BALL 1: Did you really touch Federer’s hair?
TENNIS BALL 2: Was it as soft as they say?
TENNIS BALL 3: Yes. And…it smelled like…strawberries.
TENNIS BALLS (unison): *dreamy sighhhhhhhhhhhhh*

Happy Wimbledon Memories, everyone! It’s been fun. Let’s do it again next year.


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PHOTOS: Screencaps of Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, Andy Murray, Roger Federer, et al., Wimbledon 2012. Fair use. Tennis balls photo from here.

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